Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I'm sorry to have to write this letter, but I'm afraid we have had some complaints with regard to your behaviour.
I am afraid I must ask you to stop impersonating Orange. You are not orange. I'll grant you, there is a striking resemblance sometimes, but on close inspection, you are about as close to being Orange as a drag queen with visible stubble is to being a beautiful woman.
If you do not cease trying to be Orange, I'm afraid I shall have to take measures. Your job can be done perfectly well if your duties are split between Green and Red, with some occasional help from Black. In fact, given your consistently spotty performance, I am tempted to replace you right now, but as there is some time left in your contract, please consider this to be a stern warning, and try to fulfill your own job function, and no one else's.